saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
