highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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