I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
