He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
