I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
