I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
