her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize