then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
