today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
