he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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