idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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