Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How does it feel to date your dad?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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