She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's blow job season.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
