ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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