I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
