So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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