I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
