Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize