So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
