I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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