i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
