My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
