I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
