I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
