what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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