I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
