So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
