Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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