dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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