It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
