Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
