maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
