Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
