haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
