morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
