So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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