I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
