I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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