it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
