from now on my penis is your penis
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
