I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
