I never want to see another naked old woman again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
