What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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