We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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