Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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