So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
