Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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