I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
