i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
