At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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