They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
