The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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