why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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