A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
