I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
