I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
