spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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