I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
