if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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