um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
