you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
