Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
