Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Oh god it's open bar.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
