Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
