I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
