im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
