Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
