Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
