you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
