I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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