First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
