the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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