i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
