My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
