So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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