I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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