his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
