Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
