I feel like abortions should bother me more
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
