i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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