i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
