Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize