i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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