i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
