We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
