Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
