singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
