He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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