Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
