You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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