I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
