Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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