So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
