her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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