I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
