It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
