yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
